“Go tell your brother you’re sorry for hitting him!”
I don’t believe making your children say they’re sorry is all that helpful, and may be detrimental. If they’re not sorry, then you are basically making them say something that is not true.
What should you do?
First, have them confess what they did. They’re confessing an action that was wrong. “I hit Johnny.” Go tell your brother “I was wrong for hitting you. Please forgive me.”
Second, have them tell you why it is wrong. They’re stating what value they violated. “It wasn’t kind.”
Third, have them tell you what they are going to do differently the next time. “I won’t hit him.” That might be good enough but you probably will need to help him develop a plan for what he is going to do the next time he finds himself in that situation.
Fourth, tell them to go ahead and try again.
Scott Turansky, National Center for Biblical Parenting, developed this apology method based on the Biblical ideas of confession and repentance.
By the way, this is not just for children. We all need this.